Nothing has gone wrong here.
I think I first heard this statement from Abraham Hicks. It’s the perfect thought you can reach for when things really start to fall apart. And when you are planning a wedding, I promise you that will happen. Planning your big day is sweet and magical but also hard and overwhelming. And most of that hard stuff comes from other people- weddings make people a little crazy. I think it’s because weddings make people reflective about their pasts, their futures, their hopes, their dreams, their regrets, their heartbreaks. It gets people all hyped about money- are you spending too much, not enough. It also gets people weirdly wound up about social status and protocol. People want to jockey for position and be in the inner circle, in the know, proximity to the bride and groom becomes valuable. And everyone has an opinion about how things SHOULD be done. How traditions or rituals should be, and how things should look- suddenly everyone is a tastemaker and trend spotter. It’s just a lot. Which is how we end up with wedding drama. And spun out brides.
Nothing has gone wrong here was playing in my mind on repeat while I planned my wedding in 3 months for 300 people 5 days before Christmas blending the Irish Catholic and Persian families. As you can imagine, there were a lot of twists and turns and bumps in the road. I can remember feeling a lot of emotional whiplash throughout it. But because I had chosen to think the thought, nothing has gone wrong here, I was able to avoid the nervous breakdown moment that always feels all too close for many brides. It was a very powerful place for my brain to land when I was searching for a way to make sense of all the craziness.
Whatever is going on that feels tough, hard, disappointing, or disorienting – try that thought “nothing has gone wrong” and then just let it sink in. The tricky part is that your brain will be convinced that not something is, in fact, very wrong. Especially because wedding planning seems to awaken that perfectionist inside all of us. But when you know that you can choose your thoughts with intention, you start to be less reactive, less black and white in your thinking. Now, I am not asking you to deny reality. The purpose of choosing this thought in the face of a ‘problem’ is that it invites your brain to get creative and loosen it’s rigidity. It’s alo fast tracking you out of fighting with reality which is fight that’s hard to win. Let’s say, your mom is being uncharacteristically demanding about your wedding. She wants a say in your cake topper and napkin rings and things you really don’t want her help with. Repeatedly telling yourself- she is wrong and rude will leave you feeling frustrated and hurt and annoyed. But if you look at that same situation and choose the thought nothing has gone wrong here, suddenly you are reminded of all the stories you’ve heard about other moms being intense around their kids weddings. You will remember that this a big life transition for her as well and then you feel more open, empathetic and flexible.
And then you can relax into it. And make calmer, more intentional choices, be more generous in your emotional reactions, have more productive conversations. And most importantly, enjoy your wedding planning experience.