Nothing Has Gone Wrong Here

Nothing has gone wrong here.

I think I first heard this statement from Abraham Hicks. It’s a sentence, and a  thought that you can reach for when shit hits the fan. And when you are planning a wedding, I promise you that will happen. There is just something so sweet and magical about wedding planning but also so hard and overwhelming. Weddings make people a little crazy and I think it’s because weddings make people reflective about their pasts, their futures, their hopes, their dreams, their regrets, their heartbreaks. It gets people all hyped about money- are you spending too much, not enough. It also gets people weirdly wound up about social status and protocol. People want to jockey for position and be in the inner circle, in the know, proximity to the bride and groom becomes valuable. And everyone has an opinion about how things SHOULD be done. How traditions or rituals should be, and how things should look- suddenly everyone is a tastemaker and trend spotter.  It’s just a lot.  Which is how we end up with wedding drama.

And, I personally, found it really helpful to use this mantra throughout the wedding planning process. Mine was swift- about 3 months of planning for 300 people for a wedding 5 days before Christmas blending the Irish Catholic and Persian families. There were a lot of twists and turns and bumps in the road and I can remember feeling a lot of emotional whiplash throughout it. But because I had chosen to think the thought, nothing has gone wrong here, I was able to avoid the nervous breakdown moment that always feels all too close for many brides. It was a very powerful place for my brain to land when I was searching for a way to make sense of all the craziness. I still use it today when I am with my kids and they aren’t getting dressed when we are in rush to get somewhere or they make a mess after I took every precaution to prevent it.  My brain so wants to get dramatic and decide they are wrong for being so stubborn and careless or rebellious or I am wrong for not doing better and being more creative in my parenting, whatever. But when I can jump in and consciously choose the thought ”nothing has gone wrong here” and just nudge my mind in that direction and then look for evidence to make it true- it does. A three year old being fussy about their clothes- actually quite normal and completely predictable. A five year old spilling paint- yep perfectly age appropriate and on brand. Yes, it’s still annoying to dress someone 5 times or clean up messes, but my energy in doing it so so different when I let my mind rest in the knowing that “nothing has gone wrong here”

And this thought is extremely helpful in wedding planning because there will be bizarre challenges- from unthinkable logistics challenges of transporting guests, or finding the charger plate you fell in love with online. And there will be those unexpected attitudes and opinions from the people close to you that you just didn’t anticipate- a friend who isn’t sharing your joy, a parent who isn’t wanting to get involved or the one who is overly involved. So many options. But the bottom line is that it’s going to feel to you that something is in fact going very wrong. It might even be that your own feelings or desires about your wedding are so not what you imagined them to be. Are you super low key but now wanting an over the top affair and you don’t even recognize yourself or are you suddenly feeling nostalgic about the simplicity of your single days when things felt easier and simpler and less complicated.

Whatever is going on that feels tough, hard, disappointing, disorienting whatever it is for you- try that thought “nothing has gone wrong” and then just let it sink in. The tricky part is that your brain will be convinced that not something is in fact very wrong. Especially because wedding planning seems to awaken that perfectionist inside all of us. But when you know that you can choose your thoughts with intention, you start to be less reactive, less balck and white in your thinking.  And note, I am not asking you to take a rude comment from your mother in law about your wedding dress and say “that’s great. That’s wonderful” this isn’t asking you to deny reality. I am not asking my covid brides to be like no problem that a global pandemic has postponed my wedding for a year to then threaten it again with the variant. I am just asking you to go from “this is a disaster” and turn the dial to something just a little more neutral and calming. Because brains are so powerful at finding supporting evidence for almost any thought we choose. Right? That is how we have people with such polarized versions of reality. They can constantly scan for the evidence of their position and they find it. The same will work for you if you keep returning to the thought “nothing has gone wrong here” then you will find the evidence to support that thought. You will start to see how it really is true.

And then you can relax into it. And make calmer, more intentional choices, be more generous in your emotional reactions, have more productive conversations. And most importantly, enjoy your wedding planning experience. 

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